PND Podcast
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PND Podcast
PND EP 1
Have you ever wondered how a love for Polish hot chocolate and the complexities of aging could possibly intertwine? Join me and my Co-Host, Paulina, as we unravel the tapestry of human connections, discussing everything from the sweet nostalgia of culinary preferences to the profound depths of relationship dynamics. This episode promises laughter, candid insights, and perhaps a few reflective moments as we confront stereotypes, navigate breakups, and the art of feedback in pursuit of personal growth.
This week's conversation is filled with rich anecdotes and heartfelt advice, as Paulina shares her courageous journey from au pair to ambitious entrepreneur. Together, we tackle the intricacies of maintaining an authentic self on social media and the delicate dance of privacy and connection. We don't shy away from the intimate corners of sexuality and relationship dynamics, highlighting the importance of self-respect, open-mindedness, and understanding love languages for a fulfilling partnership.
Wrap up your day by embracing a story of self-discovery and resilience. We'll discuss the importance of stepping out of your comfort zone and how it's the crucible in which personal growth is forged. So, settle in with your favorite mug of hot chocolate—milk, not water—and let's embark on a journey that celebrates gratitude, individuality, and the relentless pursuit of authenticity in every aspect of life. Whether you're navigating the aftermath of a breakup or seeking the courage to chase your dreams, there's a chapter in this episode for you.
This is like a first date. I love it. I should have brought, like you, a gift. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:Flowers. Hello, is that what it is? No, I'm messing.
Speaker 1:I was thinking like hot chocolate, I was like oh yum, that actually sounds good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, and whipped cream.
Speaker 1:What's the best hot chocolate you've ever had?
Speaker 2:Honestly, Poland has some good chocolate in general, so like milk chocolate melted, I would literally get like a Polish um Vidal. It's called Vidal.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, chocolate melted in a microwave like makes it like a weirdo and add some milk, so good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what I always hated, like it was only until I got here. They just make hot chocolate with water and it's because it's powder.
Speaker 2:That's the thing. That's like a fake hot chocolate. Yeah, not good. No, we're not doing that Exactly. It's like give me milk, give me milk, yeah, like that's how you make it.
Speaker 1:And I remember my friend, like when I was young and he was just all about the water for some reason, and then, like I showed him and he thought it was weird to put milk in there, and then like when I said so much better and then, when he tried it, he was like oh my.
Speaker 2:God. Well, you also make it from like a real cocoa. Right, that's what it's called Cocoa.
Speaker 1:I don't know, my mom has a farm in Costa Rica that, like she produced cocoa, she like has hot chocolate like powder and all that. So it's probably so good it is, I do enjoy it. I mean, I don't drink hot chocolate that often at this point in my life, just because I feel like I'm trying to get away from caffeine and sugars. Sugar. They say like, like, that's that ages you so quickly too Like it's so crazy to think about like that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:I'm just like I'm trying to stay as young as possible as long as possible.
Speaker 2:Do this, peter Pan thing for the rest of my life. Listen, I don't blame you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I mean, like I tell you, though the worst of it is, sometimes I get hit on by two young of women.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Well, I never knew you were 34. So I thought you were maybe like 30, you know, maybe a year older than me, I have to catch my.
Speaker 1:So sometimes because I'm just like, yeah, I'm 30. No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Like you sort of forget your age. Sometimes it's just like it's a good thing, yeah, it is. And then, like you know, when a 18 year old girl hits on you it's just like, uh, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, you know you're too young for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's so funny. Oh, my God, it's.
Speaker 1:I mean, like, what's the youngest you ever like, or do you just date older men? Um, no, actually.
Speaker 2:I used to date my age or a little bit younger. Then I recently started just like exploring a little bit older men, just because I had a hard time just getting along people my age because I am from another country and I feel like I'm just a little bit more mature If it comes to like my age group. This is also why I only have like two best friends because, you know, I keep that in a circle tight yeah just because, like, not a lot of people are on the same wavelength.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would say, and it's really hard to find people that are mature and have the same like principles and values and morals. So same with guys right, like you would think, oh, an older men would have their shit together and most of them do, probably. But I wasn't lucky enough to actually experience that myself, especially if it comes to dating. Um, you know, at first it's always. You know butterflies and and you know all the good stuff but honeymoon phase, and then the true colors come out.
Speaker 2:Um, yeah, so, uh, you can answer that question properly, because it I feel like age does not matter at all. I think it's your life experiences and how much you're connected to yourself. Um, and I feel like men, generally speaking, have a harder, harder time to like reflect on their like past and their traumas. They kind of like tend to run away from that. Um, I'm just speaking generally.
Speaker 2:Of course, of course, obviously, there are men who are like, connected with their inner selves and inner child and you know they do the self work, self love kind of. You know activities throughout every, every single day pretty much. But generally speaking I have only been experiencing men that run away from their problems and kind of try to push through it, because I'm a man Like I can't cry right, like I'm different, like I can't right.
Speaker 1:That hurts me, just to hear that, I know that people still think that because it's just like I'm so grateful, like I like I have a niece, so I get, I get to see my sister, just, you know, as a mom and just as she's growing her to let her express herself properly and through emotions. Very important Just like when she's crying. It's just like, hey, what's wrong?
Speaker 1:Go ahead, explain it to me instead of you know like stop crying, you know be tough or whatever the you know belittling the problem. A lot of parents do that where it's like, oh, it's okay.
Speaker 2:Like, let's say, a child is getting bullied at school, you know, my dad would say oh, get it together, you're stronger than that, you know, instead of allowing you to feel the pain be upset and like be hurt, right, and then? Okay, what's the problem? Let's analyze this. I actually come from a amazing family and I'm forever grateful for my parents. They had me when they were very young, yeah, 20.
Speaker 2:Thank you 20 and 21 years old. I mean that's insane. Yes, I have very young parents. They didn't know what they were doing, you know, but they definitely spoiled me emotionally with like the available emotional, emotional availability and just being there for me If I had any problem I had never heard of that being.
Speaker 1:The problem was just like and we're going to spoil her. It's just like that's how I want to be with my daughter If I ever, when I ever get a daughter.
Speaker 2:I don't think it's a problem, it's definitely a blessing, but it also kind of, how do I explain this? If your parents are too accessible to your problems, you also depend on them emotionally, a lot Like, oh I have a problem, I have to call my mom, or like I have a problem, I have to go talk to my dad. It's almost like you are not incapable of handling a problem yourself. So when I moved here as a 19 year old girl from Poland, it was very hard for me. It was like a shock where, you know, all of a sudden I went from not really dealing with my own problems by myself and I had my parents to, you know, help me to coming to America and be, you know, living with a stranger family, pretty much because I was an au pair.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, wow so that's that's the transitional point that I was 11 nanny.
Speaker 2:I came here nine years ago and lived with an amazing family and I babysat kids like kids are everything to me. I love kids but, yeah, every little you know inconvenience, any problem I had. I had to deal with with it by myself and it was really hard for me emotionally and mentally and I had to grow up very fast. It definitely was a little bit of like traumatic, because again, I go from a child to an adult within one decision oh, I'm going to take over America, like this brave girl you know in high school was like I'm going to America. I don't know how, but I'm going to make it happen and I did, which is an awesome thing, and it still feels great and I would never, never, ever like regret it and I would 100 more times do the same thing.
Speaker 2:But I do believe that our parents have a lot to do with how you are in connection with your inner self, and a lot of adults in general, not just men, use their childhood and the way they were upbringing they're, they're upbringing as an excuse, right, so you don't choose your cards, right, that are dealt. But you can change that. You can change the narrative If you really want to, right If you want to be in connection with yourself and you want to understand. Why are you self sabotaging? Why are you angry all the time? Right Like you need to reflect on those things? If you don't, then these problems are going to catch up to you at some point right, and every relationship you're going to enter it's going to kind of ruin it, you know, long term. So that's pretty much what happened to me.
Speaker 1:Multitasking is, unfortunately, oh, really, as far as your relationships, that's where you saw like the tear that comes into it. Yeah, disconnect.
Speaker 2:You know, I've been through it. Everybody deals with traumas. Not everyone has a perfect. Well, no one has a perfect life.
Speaker 1:But I, I am fortunate enough to understand that I deserve more and I am a good person you better know right now, like if you're approaching Polina, like you might come in with, like come correct.
Speaker 2:Listen, I've learned throughout you know, all the nine years of being here and dating multiple people, that you have to be very intentional and very direct with people, especially when you get to our age, you know, like late 20s oh my god early 30s.
Speaker 1:You really make it worse than what it is.
Speaker 2:I'm a little struggling with the fact that I'm going to be 29 years old, jesus Christ, and I remember I told myself when I was like 21, I was like, oh, I'm going to have babies, I'm going to be married, I'm going to, you know, have all that by like 27. Did not work out, but it's okay, because everything happens for you, not to you. So that's something I like to say. Maybe whoever's up there, what?
Speaker 1:I got to ask you are you scared, like and this is, you know, theoretical, but like, are you scared if you weren't able to have kids or, like you know, go through marriage and stuff like that? Because that's, I feel like that's also like a soul thing to everybody when they're young, Just like this is what you have to do.
Speaker 2:Right, I don't think I had that mentality where I have to do it, like I have to be married or have kids. I've always wanted to. I feel like that was just. I'm such a family person, like I'm someone who, like, my priority is to have a family, you know, and be connected to someone where I can move the mountains with that person. We're on the same like mindset level or like we learn from each other daily, right, we support each other daily.
Speaker 2:That's something that I am constantly, you know, manifesting I wouldn't say seeking, because I got caught up into like I realized that I was looking for things and when you look for things, nothing really comes to you. You kind of just have to like pour into yourself and then the universe kind of sends you everything you need and you want, searching and like pressuring yourself for like oh, I want kids in next, within the next year. I better find a man within the next year. You know I'm getting older, blah, blah, blah. Like pressuring myself did not work well for me, but I've always wanted to have family. That's always been my priority. Money is obviously important, but it's not my highest priority.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I've always wanted to have kids. That's my highest priority right now. Yeah, I mean like I invested into my business, but like it's funny, because money is a fuel for me to gain my freedom.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 100%.
Speaker 1:That's how I just feel about money and like right now, I just feel tied down in the sense of just like I can't provide the things that I want to the people that I want, or for myself.
Speaker 1:Right now, like I'm working Thank goodness I'm not, you know like there's worse situation, worse situation Of course, but like you know, I'm not trying to look at the other person's bowl or whatever, but it's just more so. It's just like I know where I stand and for that reason I've lost loves in my life because you are focusing on chasing the bag.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that, and also just like I felt more, just like I can't give you what you want, and also the fact that I don't feel married, like marriage is not something for me, at least currently.
Speaker 2:I respect it 100%.
Speaker 1:Do I think I might get married like probably like in fifties or like? If you find the right person you will know, yeah, but it's so weird because, like I know, I could have married those, those girls and I would have been happy and like one thing I did learn is just like I can find balance within work in a relationship. Yeah, and I felt like I Unfortunately I fumbled the bag like you're not the money bag.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just like the love bag, exactly.
Speaker 1:Unfortunately, just because I was just like.
Speaker 2:No, I can't focus on see, I've struggled with it. So, as someone who comes from a very family oriented, oriented, orientated- when you say that it's just like I don't hear.
Speaker 1:Like today I was listening to my dad order or like talk to like somebody in English and I swear to you I was like you sound like a chain, like a China man, your landman.
Speaker 2:No, you're totally fine. So, since I come from a culture that's very family driven and oriented, you know, that's why it's such a priority for me and I think like so. To put it in perspective, I don't know if you travel to Europe or, you like, drove deeper into European culture, but European people Work to live. Americans live to work. That's something I've realized recently. Everyone here is, and it's I'm not saying it's a bad thing, right Like it's just a different culture. So where I, when I started analyzing why there is such a disconnect between me and my partners, it's usually typically the same kind of problem that you just mentioned where it's like boys.
Speaker 2:As a man, right, you are supposed to provide and protect. So when you feel like you don't have enough of Money to provide for that woman, why would you want to propose Right? Why would you want to marry her like it's? It's almost to me a little bit sometimes seems selfish, right, because To that's like a hard word to throw out there, and I'll just explain it. So I'm someone who will be your right or die.
Speaker 2:When I commit to you, it doesn't matter if you're broke or not or if you're rich now and then you go broke. I'm not leaving you. But that comes with commitment, and I take this word so seriously. I also take being in relationship super serious. I can be single, happy, you know, thriving, doing what I want, without explaining myself, without quest that like asking for permission, right, but I. So when I commit to someone, that commitment comes with hey, I will never leave you like. I'll always be there for you, I'll support you, I'll do anything that that takes as a woman to bring your happiness that you're lacking.
Speaker 2:Obviously, you're supposed to be happy by yourself as well, but you know I'll be everything you want me to be. But you need to show up for me as well. Obviously right. And if it comes to money, I, I don't agree that Men is supposed to be responsible for everything. I think it's teamwork for sure. Obviously, some men, most men, especially old-school men think it's disrespectful If a woman tries to take out her wallet and pay for dinner. So I, I, you know, I let men be in their masculine energy. I will always offer, though, like I'll be like, hey, I would accept that.
Speaker 1:I'll be honest. I've had women just pay for me. I'm like that's beautiful, thank you I.
Speaker 2:Just because it's like what I've learned.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like. One thing I've learned is like if somebody offers you a gift, it's worse to turn it down, and like, unless you have a reason to turn it down right, then you're just insulting somebody. It's just like.
Speaker 2:I think it's a discussion. I was just grabbing lunch with my old friend today and he was like, hey, I insist, I'm, I'm, I'm taking care of this. And I was like, well, okay, like thank you, can I tip? But he's like, yeah, and this is great, like compromise is great. I think everything in life if it comes to relationships should be a compromise. Um, and just like talking, you know, first couple dates you have with someone, just like discuss what you like, like, let's say, you are a provider and like it's such a respect for you if a woman can just let you pay. Right, like discuss these things.
Speaker 2:But I do believe that you know, if a man is focused so much on chasing the bag and chasing the money and is in relationship and how do I explain this? Let me think about it. So, when you are in relationship and your primary, the primary focus is money, that woman is going to be neglected, you know. So when you think of money like I bring my own money right, and then you're bringing your own money, why is it that you're so pressured To provide when you have someone who is willing to go half and half? Or let's say you go 70, I go 30 percent on expenses or whatever we go out for dinner. There's always a solution to every single problem and there's always a compromise to every single problem. Now, some men have ego issues, right so, and women too, obviously. But if it comes to finances, I think finding that balance where okay, like I want to provide, but I have a good girl that's not gonna leave me right, she's here for good, like obviously don't take her for granted, because that sucks.
Speaker 2:I've been there, sucks but just understand that you are not here alone and it's nothing. Not all Finances are on your shoulders, right? Like I said, everything is a compromise, everything can be discussed, and can I just?
Speaker 1:ask you in between those those lines is just is the difference for me like, I'm okay with somebody being broke, that's perfectly okay, right? The one difference, though, is like where is your ambition? Oh, a hundred percent, I do that if you have $0 and you're working towards something like good for you exactly eventually will come to you exactly.
Speaker 1:But if you're just broke and then you have nothing, or even if you're rich and you have nothing in your life that you just, like I'm passionate about, I'm gonna make this work, I'm gonna do something with this, like I feel you have to have passion, I agree, and you have to have the drive.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's another thing. If it comes to relationships, I am someone who has been addicted to growth, like if I I do Reflect on every single year that passes. So, in like the third week of December or second week of December of each year, I like reflect on everything and do like a self-audit, and if I am in the same place that I was in December of last year, I'm failing, I'm doing something wrong, something has to change. Not everyone is like that, though, and that's also okay, but I have learned that I've I've so far have been in relationship with people that Like the idea of growth, like the fact that I bring that like strong energy into the relationship. I'll push you to do better, I'll, I'll help you to do better, but then they can't catch up on to me because I grow so fast. Where?
Speaker 1:She's here for the.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, it just sucks. Like I. It was like a dead weight to me. You know, as as messed up as it sounds, like I've had great experiences with my Exes, like I had so much fun oh my god, like I've learned so much. But if it comes to the growth perspective and like how you said, you know there's one thing of being broke and doing nothing about it, and that there's one thing of being broke but working towards something that's, that's huge right. And, of course, like for me, I was building my online business and you know it wasn't paying me as much as as my private jet job that I was in sales for.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I was an aviation on like the back end. I was a private jet broker, it it was a it's interesting job, for sure. It was a 24-7 job, very demanding, very Time Consuming, but I I wasn't working for myself, right. So I it didn't feel right like I would go to work from nine to five Building somebody else's dreams. Then I would get home and my clients would reach out and they would be like, oh, polina, I need a charter tomorrow, can you work on this? And typical market search would take me about three hours. And then, let's say, I would provide them with multiple aircraft options and they would say, oh, sorry, it's too expensive. So now I just wasted it on three hours of my life working on somebody else's dreams.
Speaker 2:No, so then I started coming home and started working on my online business, and where I'm getting at is I didn't really receive a lot of support From my partners because, oh, you're working from home, you're not even making money. Like what the hell you think you're doing? You know, like, go and work right, like physically, go and work. So the mindset just didn't match up. Like who, like who I've been with in the past nine years of me being here, none of them had really like a growth mindset and just progressing, like being 1% better. Every single day I read books.
Speaker 1:That's I've told that to so many people continue, continue, read books and what yeah, like reading books, you're a loser.
Speaker 2:Listening to podcasts. You're a loser like, or who listens to podcasts, who you think that a buck is gonna.
Speaker 1:Statistics that most well educated people listen to podcasts, most Books, especially about, like you know, money entrepreneurship and it's yeah, and it's such a like first you obviously have to shift your mindset, but let me. Let me sidetrack that just because I wanted to ask you how good are breakups, like yes, they're sad, but how good is?
Speaker 2:it. I will tell you like people see me now and they look at me like something changed. I'm like, really I'm like getting nervous.
Speaker 1:I'm like wait, what's happening?
Speaker 2:and they're like you're glowing. I'm like this makes me so happy because the breakups that I've gone through are where, like the press, the pressing, so the pressing where, like you know me by now, like I'm very high energy, very happy person, I could not get out of my bed for weeks. Yeah, it was bad. And then I would look at myself in the mirror like come on, paulina, like you can do so much better, like just believe it, because you know breakups break you, especially if you stayed with someone longer that you were supposed to. Then you kind of like exposing yourself to Even bigger pain because you are holding on to hopes versus what you actually see right, like I pray that I didn't do that to no girl.
Speaker 1:I really do, but I probably did.
Speaker 2:No one's perfect. I'm definitely not perfect either. You know, even my recent relationship, I realized that I should have let go sooner, and I was kind of blaming my ex for not letting me go sooner. He kind of knew that he wasn't gonna give me what I was looking for, but the idea of hurting me by letting me go was in his head, because we then talked about the whole what went wrong kind of thing after a breakup. So I.
Speaker 1:I was a little yelp review.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no like everybody wants you know Closure you know, and not everybody can give it to you and I was fortunate enough to get it.
Speaker 1:I feel like I heard this before in another podcast love it, but, like, the person that breaks you can't fix you, you know. And on top of that I just yeah and like, on top of that, though, there's a difference between Wanting closure and wanting feedback.
Speaker 2:You know okay.
Speaker 1:We're like interesting, like in the sense of just like I want this person to make me feel better. No, what did I do wrong? What are the things that I need to work on on myself for future relationships that I can watch out on? Like and I had an ex just recently reach out to me? And yeah, like because she's had issues with drinking. I'm not like you know, like yeah, they're problems.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly Like I'm just glad that she's in a better space, but like her looking back and we had an awful breakup. But like her looking towards me as a place that she can trust, that she can just rely, like I know you're going to tell me the truth. And it's like I've always tried to do unconditional love regardless, even like to all my exes, which that brings up. Another question for me to you is just like how do you feel about an ex returning?
Speaker 2:So it depends what stage we're in If it comes to our relationship, right. So if it's a beginning, I can kind of understand that right, because there might be still some closure that one person or feedback that another person needs, which kind of like right now would be probably my ever had flag for me, because, like, why are you entering a new relationship if you still haven't figured out, like, you still haven't healed right? A lot of people tend to jump around and I was the one actually to, like, you know, get under to get over, get over to get under. I don't know how you say it, I'm guilty of it.
Speaker 2:I'm literally so guilty of it?
Speaker 2:It's crazy because I love being with that person, you know, and I had a hard time being alone. That also comes with, like the abandonment trauma that I went through because of my first ex here, which I went to therapy for and I healed for the most part. But you know, those traumas will creep up on you here and there. But, yeah, exes, no, that should not be allowed. I mean, it depends on the relationship you have with that person and also, how comfortable are you going to make me around that person? And I would have to see in person, like, what are the vibes?
Speaker 1:You know, I mean, I wouldn't say like, oh, I'm going to go meet up with her at a restaurant for dinner, like more, just like, okay, like discussion. I'm just like, hey, this person hit me up, Like do you want to come with me to lunch? And then, you know, just meet her and just talk.
Speaker 2:I would ask you like, what is there to talk? Like, why do you feel like?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's where it's just like she hit me up for these, these reasons. Like you know, like, whether it's just like financial help or something like that which you know, even to me it's just like I'm okay with it because, like, just I've always felt like I want to just make sure I can help people regardless, and I'm also super petty, just like so I'm just like, I try not to be, it's hard.
Speaker 1:I definitely am petty. I want to be petty Like. I've thought of things that just like, oh like, if I get rich, I'm gonna, I'm gonna definitely just like buy wherever she's like, the apartment, like complex that she's at. Just like, no, no, no, no, I'm gonna stay there. I'm gonna like free a charge, to just like, and that way he knows, just like, yeah, you mean nothing to me Like you're so funny.
Speaker 2:See, I don't. I used to be like that always energy on that anymore but that's good.
Speaker 2:With the exes. I think it's just a it's per case kind of really depends, right. Like I was talking to this guy after my recent relationship and you know he asked me he's like hey, do you still have, are you still in contact with your ex? And I was like, yeah, I am. It's just like formalities and documents. We lived together, right, there was no like sexual conversation going on or like going back and forth whether we should come back to each other or something like that. It was just like you know, hey, are you okay? Yes, I'm okay. Are you okay? Yes, I'm okay?
Speaker 2:You know, we lived together for two over two years. We were together for three and a half. Like you can just break up with someone and expect the whole world to, or expect your own, from your own self, to just be done Like they were part of your life, especially when you live with someone. You know it's 24 seven kind of situation. So it definitely takes time to like fully cut your ex off, especially after like a recent breakup. But what I'm trying to say is, you know, depends on on what kind of conversations you're having with that ex, you know, and how, how it's your job to make your current partner comfortable with the idea of having your ex around?
Speaker 1:for a little bit right. The security?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because it's just a shady. Why are we opening up a can of worms Right, like? I would ask you like, hey, why do you need to have connections with that person? Or like stay in contact? You know that would be my first question, and then we'll go from there. I'm very easy if it comes to relationships and I I a very open, I I'm very understanding.
Speaker 2:I understand that. You know the way I think is not what you will think or it might be right, but, um, I I understand that there's no right or wrong. Everybody has their own perspective on things and it's just what you are willing to tolerate and if it's your boundary or it's not right, you have to. But that comes also with communication, right, and like knowing what you want from your partner, um, which you will, and communicating what you're going to tolerate, what you're not going to tolerate, what is the absolute red flag, what it's not right, Like just be very open about your needs, but nowadays people don't know what they want and then they just go through motions and, and you know, they like idea of being with someone I felt multiple times like a trophy wife, you know, or like not wife, because obviously I was a wife.
Speaker 1:Well, I did. You are a trophy wife, don't worry. Yeah, no, but like I didn't, want to right I.
Speaker 2:I would rather be a treasure, you know, hidden gem, like you know.
Speaker 2:Take care of me, polish me, you know like and not just be out there because, you know, everybody, just like the concept of, oh, I'm with Paulina, right, like Paulina is this, and that I don't even think so highly of myself, you know, and and everyone just puts me on that pedestal, which I'm grateful for, thank you. Like, I guess I, I am a good person, but like there's more to it than just putting me up up there on the pedestal. Like you have to work for it. I'm not an easy person to deal with, but I also know what I bring to the table and, like I said before, I am going to be right.
Speaker 2:I, yeah, do I need some extra hugs? You know, here and there, or like I'll cry hysterically over something that you might think it's so dumb, but like, just give me a hug, you know, that's all I really want at the end of the day. Like I don't think I'm that complicated, but people think that it's just I'm so much to handle. Apparently, um, and I've been like analyzing this a lot and I think it's just I've been attracting people that are, um, I'll say that leeches.
Speaker 1:Hmm, I was going to just say, like you know, they're not ready for this.
Speaker 2:No, apparently, my energy is very um, addictive and a lot of people want to be around me because I'm very positive and I always, even in the worst situation ever, I'm like, okay, what's good in here? Like what are we getting here? Like the universe is testing me right now, like this fucking sucks, but like there's a lesson in here. You know, like I don't victimize myself, I don't Beautiful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:But it comes with a lot of work on yourself, right, therapy, mindset work Um, I recommend everybody to go to therapy at some point, because this world is a fucked up place right now and, with everything that's happening around us, I think everybody should have some form of a guidance, whether it's a therapist or coat, life coach, mentor. Um, it has helped me a lot. But, yeah, um, I feel like I'm like wondering away from the um topic. But long story short, I think that X is everything that's in the past should stay in the past. Hmm, um, unless it, unless it's like a business exchange, if you, you know you have to talk to them because they have your documents or whatever that is. Go ahead and do that. But once that's done, that's done.
Speaker 2:Um, that's also with me. Like I would never take my ex back. I will fight for this relationship until I'm actually dead. Almost, I hate to say it. I am working on that Like I'll. I'll fight to the point where, like, I am kind of like I lose myself a little bit.
Speaker 2:Hmm, not a healthy way of of being in a relationship. Um, but this just shows how much of a fighter I am Like and I'm not going to give up on you over small inconvenience, right, or like a argument or or um, misunderstanding, um, but yeah, I haven't heard or seen someone doing that. The same thing for me, you know, and it kind of kind of sucks. Why are you committed to somebody if you can't actually commit and just be focused on that person and give them the world? Because they're giving you the world? Oh, I can talk hours about that, but yeah, no exes in my presence.
Speaker 2:Our future, definitely not. I'll hold on to you, I'll fight for you, I'll try to find solutions to every problem, I'll compromise, I'll do everything, you know, stretch, left and right, um, but once it's done, it's done Like you're never coming back in my life. You know, and it's funny because I actually have a great relationship with my very first boyfriend in Poland. Every time I go to Poland, which is one seer, um, I tried to see him. You know, we kind of we were younger, you know, uh, I dated him from like 15.
Speaker 1:This is exactly what I mean about exes. Like there's two types of exes. Like where you're just like this person you shouldn't be around, like I, absolutely, and I agree with that. But then there's this person is just like it's just my. You know somebody that I was with, but now we're just in two different parts of our life and we respect each other, whereas, like now, there's almost a friendship of just like you know, a good memory, a friendship, but like we move past this yeah, so I guess, um, it depends on the breakup too, and like if there's any harm done to you, because sometimes people still keep their exes around, even though they got really screwed over by them.
Speaker 2:You know that's just. You're just self sabotaging and honestly like not letting go of something that hurt you Like you need to, you need to like want more for yourself, right. But if it comes to that, my my specific situation with my ex from Poland. I mean, it's been 10 years since we like broke up. You know he's in Poland, I'm in America. There's nothing obviously going on, but when I see him, I just it just like we talked about the past, how cute we were, how silly we were. You know, like how we would do things differently now, and it's like a growth experience. It's. It's. It's amazing. I always grab coffee and like a you know cheesecake with him and we have great conversations.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm saying. It's just like it all. Like the context obviously always matters, but that's why, like, depending on what type of ex you're talking about, that's where I guess I agree, yeah, and then it also comes with a respect right.
Speaker 2:So if, if both of us are in relationships, I, before I even meet up with him, I'm like, hey, make sure you tell your girlfriend, make sure she's okay with it.
Speaker 2:You know, I'm even willing to meet her. Like I don't want to cause any problems because at the end of the day, you know you're building a future right. I'm your past. So like there needs to be a respect. Every single relationship I've had here they all knew that that was going to happen. Like I was going to go to Poland and see my ex I don't even want to call him ex because we were children and we're just friends, you know but we don't. We don't talk a lot. That's my thing. Like he can be my present and future because we don't talk on a daily right. We just check in sometimes but there's no like sexual conversations. There's nothing disrespectful to my current relationship. So I think that's that's acceptable, but I also think it's it's all about communicating right and just making sure that this isn't like crossing the boundary with your current partner Of course.
Speaker 1:Now let me ask you this what is the you know stance or how do you feel the effects that social media has on your relationship, especially like the current one, past ones like how does that affect?
Speaker 2:So it's really hard for me to say, because I am a very active person on social media. I run an online beauty business. You see me daily.
Speaker 1:I show we all seen her. Let's just get that clear Like you've seen her, I see that. We all see that she don't stop.
Speaker 2:I don't stop so, but I also know how to balance it out Right. So I don't use social media to scroll and look for distractions we get, so like sucked in, sometimes scrolling and wasting time, but I don't use social media to creep. I don't use social media to, oh like let me look up this guy that I saw at the bar. Like I don't exchange my social media with people or phone numbers, like I don't do that. I use social media strictly to get inspired, motivated and create content for my audience.
Speaker 1:Now, but isn't it funny that you built your social media like that and it's beautiful, and then like it's elegant, like that's the one thing like I will say about you it's like the elegance that you have is so great.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:That means a lot, oh, of course, but it's just so crazy to me that, like the people that consume media, that you're sort of like like paroling, like hey, don't do it like this. Those are sort of the people that fuel your business as well. Time it's like sort of like a drug dealer in an addict situation. It is a little bit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it definitely is. But what I do on social media is I really try to inspire people to just be better and do better, and I am my authentic self. So I don't just sit there and show positive things all the time, because we all know social media can be very fake and a lot of us compare each other, like compared to other people looking so perfect they're done up. The Photoshop is just crazy. So I really try to be authentic self and if I have a pimple, I'll show it Right.
Speaker 2:If I have a shitty day, I'm going to talk about it, not to attract attention. It's more so. Just like, hey, I'm a human, I'm not just out here to try to tell you my life is perfect. Like this shit fucking sucks. And let me tell you, when I was going through my recent breakup, I wasn't like going out there but like, oh my God, I'm single. Like this man is a piece of shit. Like he you know he broke my heart. I've never said that, but I did show that. Hey, I'm going through it. Like I might not be on social media for a couple of days. You know I'm in the process of moving. So obviously people were like, oh shit, she broke up with shit.
Speaker 1:I got that, I got you, I got you, I got you.
Speaker 2:So, you know, people were saying like, oh shit, she just broke up with her ex and, um, you know, and I all of a sudden got a, got bombarded with a bunch of messages and the guys just need to like relax.
Speaker 1:First, there's a bunch of dick pics too, like no, oh my God, okay, god, okay. And I will roast your ass for that, for sure I just wonder like cause women always say it's like yeah, I just get dick pics every day.
Speaker 2:It's the worst. Like dicks are not pretty, first of all, I just put it out there Of vaginas are not pretty either.
Speaker 1:No, it's like yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not a pretty thing to look at, unless I guess you love that, then good for you. But no, I got just like bombarded. I'm like yo. I just broke up with my ex. The last thing I want to do is talk to you like not to be rude, but just like relax, like give me some space. So I get it. You still attract that attention from the wrong people, but I've learned how to filter through it. Um, and by being authentic, I think people started respecting me more and that's why they buy what I offer, right. That's why they people buy you, not what you like, not your product, right?
Speaker 2:They buy you and the only way that, gary Vee, that's that, yeah, which is true, it is freaking, true, I'm like 11, you know um like I, I I've lived through it and people always tell me like, oh my God, you inspire me so much and I'm like this is just made my day because I'm not even trying to, but like I know that people struggle with the same things, right, so if I can go out there and tell them about this, you know, let's say, 80% of people are going to scroll through it. That's fine, You're not my audience. Like you can watch what I do, but like that's not who I'm targeting. I'm targeting these people that are going through the same thing right now. Um, if it comes to relationships, uh, from my personal experience, uh, social media has been tough, because I've caught my ex sis multiple times talking to other females on social media, liking multiple like nude pictures, you know, but then not giving me attention in bed, so like, sorry, I just made it hard to believe but at the same time I get it.
Speaker 1:That's like you know. I hate to say it as a man.
Speaker 2:I get it. I get it.
Speaker 1:No, that's good, tell me, because I always just you guys are very visual Like and I get it, but like but like I've heard this, like you know, from from a girl like an ex of mine, actually she said this recently and it's just, like you know, men are like programmed that way and it's like that red pill kind of stuff like that which I'm just like yeah, but that's, that's the whole point of a relationship, is like for you to overcome these urges, that are just like yeah, that's just like yeah, anybody can go cheap.
Speaker 1:But the whole point is you don't you?
Speaker 2:know like you know, better you know it's just like yeah like, of course, but that also comes as security. As a man, you have to be secure with your within yourself and respect yourself enough to respect that, not the person that you're with. You know what I mean. Like it's almost like yeah, everybody can go cheat, but you're not going to cheat because you know better.
Speaker 1:You know what I feel. I actually what I fear. I'll be honest, it'll be just like that. I'm just gonna like, not like like retire my dick sort of in a way. Just like like that's how I feel, like like the woman's gonna like as she gets older. She's just like yo, you gotta give me that when I want it. I was just like lady, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:But you have so many like pills you can take nowadays. I don't want to take pills.
Speaker 1:I like I don't want to take shit, like I don't want to tell a girl to be like taking birth control pills, like it's so bad for you. It's just like you don't have to do that shit. You don't have to know no no, no, we can just, you know whatever we have to do. If I got lick a butt, then so be it.
Speaker 2:You can spice things up differently.
Speaker 1:I mean it really.
Speaker 2:It really comes with communication and comprehension. Like sit your girl down, be like listen. It's time for me that I'm like struggling down there.
Speaker 1:You know, like you know what are we doing here? I don't know what to do with these. Like, honestly, like my hands terrible, but like I just go out, like I love you that good girl will tell you what to do, don't worry. That's why I'm so happy about one of my exes, because, like she showed me like how she likes to be eaten now.
Speaker 2:And I love eating.
Speaker 1:now I absolutely, yeah, 100%. I'm down for it.
Speaker 2:But that's a flat yeah, but.
Speaker 1:I've also seen. I've been with women that are sort of like in their mind about getting eaten out. They don't feel comfortable with it. Yeah, Back then it was a thing for sure it was just like you know, only penetration.
Speaker 2:Like you know, that's how we're supposed to do these things. But obviously, nowadays our things are different, and thankfully, jesus Christ. Because let me tell, you. Let me tell you like for those of you who don't know me fully, I I've always been straight, right, like I.
Speaker 1:never, I, never, I feel like there's a butt coming. I never thought I was going to be with a woman.
Speaker 2:I ended up with a woman for for longer than I did not expect this. I was trying to get this PG life.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's do it, let's go. My point is why?
Speaker 2:I'm bringing this up. I mean, she was like absolute psychopath. I had fun with her, don't get me wrong, but she turned out to be a biggest cheater of them all and her karma got her ass anyway because her current wife cheated on her day before they got married.
Speaker 1:So they say that lesbians, married, are the most I don't want to say violent I'm getting the statistics wrong but like like the most domestic abuse calls like out of. Yeah, they're crazy, yeah, yeah, it's just I she pushed me to the point.
Speaker 2:I was crazy too. Oh my God, it was just nuts. But anyway, sex wild though what I'm getting at what I'm getting at is is that she has taught me what I like and what I don't like. She has helped me explore my own body and it definitely benefit it in my future relationships and sexual you know experiences where I told them and what to do, like I hate women who are like oh, he sucks at in bed, I'm like bitch. Did you tell him what?
Speaker 1:to do why? Why do you expect him to know? Did you communicate that properly with like how you like to be touched? Do you know how you like to be touched?
Speaker 2:Most of them don't most of them don't, and let's send nothing wrong with that. Just like, go explore it a little bit. Get yourself a rose from Amazon. That sucks your clit, you know and then I've seen those things.
Speaker 1:I've been getting into the whole like Masada Tokina or whatever, and like my buddy told me is like just put your finger and like, yeah, that thing is fucking wild.
Speaker 2:Like I will tell you, I had a hard time. You know, getting pleased and and and just even like being able to finish. It was.
Speaker 1:It was hard for me. That's common, that's common yeah.
Speaker 2:Until I learned about my body, and you know that. Then I was just also shy at the beginning and like didn't know, and I was typical like a vanilla type of girl.
Speaker 1:And then I'm just imagining you with a whole uh, masochist. Like come here baby, he's just like okay.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, that's so funny. We're going to do some pegging tonight. Listen, I'm done for whatever, like I've learned. Have you ever done pegging? No, no, no.
Speaker 1:It feels like you, you be like, I'll be down, just listen, I would be down for anything Like.
Speaker 2:I feel like after my last relationship, where we like really were just roommates at some point for a whole year of our relationship we did not touch each other Like it was bad. Yeah, I wish we had taken a break from each other because I think it was just like too much at some point. And I still have love for him. Um, you know, like I said, I always learned a lot from every relationship, but we did not have sex for literally a year. How can someone go a year without sex? I don't know, but that just proves my.
Speaker 1:I think I've been like two or three, no, but like in a relationship though. Oh no no right.
Speaker 2:Like you were physically in a relationship, trapped in a relationship, technically, cause, like you're not even being intimate with each other. And what sucked for me was it wasn't even my fault. So I was trying to, you know, fix the problem, but the problem wasn't me Right, and like I was trying to help him and whatever, cause he ended up cheating on me. So, um, yeah, and he felt bad about it. You know, he, he, it wasn't like an intentional thing, I don't think.
Speaker 1:Um, but we were trying to fix it, but it just got asked Like I don't, I don't know if I can ever believe that it's not intense. You just fell in the pussy Like that's just what ended up happening. Um no, I get what you're saying Um, I think it's like a lot, a lot comes to it Um.
Speaker 2:I know he regretted it and one of the reasons why we didn't have sex is because he couldn't look at me anymore, because he knew he hurt someone who is so beautiful. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I like that you ended up with so beautiful no that's what he told me.
Speaker 2:He told me.
Speaker 1:He told me that you know I mean he can tell me probably lies whatever Like at the end of the day. No, but it's true, I do, I know. Thank you.
Speaker 2:No, but I'm saying, like you know he can, he could have just simply just say it for me to feel better. I guess he could have.
Speaker 1:You know, I feel like at that point it's like why am I going to lie anymore?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:That's, that's. I hear you yeah.
Speaker 2:So so this kind of sucked. But wait, why were we talking about though?
Speaker 1:Cause I just like went wondering it's always you went from, basically why you weren't sleeping together.
Speaker 2:Okay, having sex, having sex, not having sex, um and oh, my point was like, holy shit, I was so loyal still, like I didn't go and cheat, you know, and I didn't have sex for all these times.
Speaker 2:So I started to scream and like yeah, definitely screaming, um, you know, but I still didn't cheat, I still didn't entertain anybody. Um, I could have, and I had multiple occasions, but I was like, no, you're, until you're, you know you're done, you cannot do it. And to be honest, you know, I got bunch of toys and I was just exploring, you know, and it was fabulous, I mean. I was still miserable.
Speaker 1:You know, what's beautiful is like women get to do that. Like you know, I'm going to get all these toys and then, like for a man, I'm going to get a toy and it's just like oh, that's gross.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean you guys can jerk off, which is not the greatest, but like there are ways of no, no, let me correct you.
Speaker 1:It is the greatest.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Some days I just prefer jerking off and just like I don't it's attention release.
Speaker 2:And that's what I respect. Like I used to be like, oh, why is my man jerking off? That's annoying. Like why can't we just have sex? But sometimes, maybe, like he doesn't want to have sex and that's okay. Right, just go and jerk off to somebody else's pictures. I don't even fucking care, as long as you're not sticking your dick in another vagina. Go ahead and jerk off. Like is that, if that's something that's going to, if that's something you want to do, but you're going to stay loyal to me, then that's totally fine. But yeah, toys are great.
Speaker 2:Every woman should explore their own body and know what she wants before she expects a man to fulfill her in bed. Like I hate that. Like, oh, he sucks a bed or he's dick is small bitch, you don't even come from penetration.
Speaker 1:Give me some tips right now on, just like what you would Like. How would you do that?
Speaker 2:I think it's a personal thing preference yeah. I think, like, obviously the clit is where you're supposed to be.
Speaker 1:Well, like some people have told me, it's like you like hook it, like once you go inside and then just go to like Well, because there's an internal spot, right G spot and there is a clit outside.
Speaker 2:So it really depends on what your girl likes. That's why it's important to just like ask her if she doesn't want to come first and tell you like what is it that you like? Show me. You know, I'll show you what I have, but like I want, like I want to please you.
Speaker 2:So if you want to have a great experience and of course currently, then you have to tell me what you want and I would tell you exactly what you want, what I want. I'll show you what I want, I'll push your head where you need to be.
Speaker 1:You know it's a learning experience, but it also comes with communication and I feel like a lot of people are very scared of talking about sex, and you know what's crazy, though, like I do believe that, like from a point in time that we are in, like, if you look back, just mental health, nobody wanted to talk about that. Now we're in a point where, like, it's huge to talk about.
Speaker 1:And then this opening of like sexuality, which I agree like we should be open about it, we should discuss it. Luckily, my parents were very open to, about me, to me. But, and then I just feel that's going to also have a linch forward in a good way. In a good way, obviously, there's always extremes that, just like you know, yeah, don't do that near kids. Yeah, like you know, it's good to explore it, it's good to talk about it, but, like we, I do feel like there are limits where like you know, you should just like.
Speaker 2:Okay, let's well, don't talk about everything on the first date, Right Like there's like slowly.
Speaker 1:We kind of destroyed that. We're fast, love it, love it.
Speaker 2:I'm also very open if it comes to that stuff Because, like, if I want something, I I've learned in life, you can't expect people to just bring it like what? Like you tell them first of all, like, don't have them mind read. Like what, are we 18? Are we?
Speaker 1:like a prize for just saying that I hate it.
Speaker 2:Like stop expecting shit from people. Like you know, tell them what you want. Like oh, it would be nice if he just did it, but on his own. Like how the fuck does he supposed to know? Like you're a different girl? Like I hate it. You know it gets me so mad because people expect. Like even recently, I was talking to this guy and he just like gave me the world. He wrote love letters to me. He gave me amazing gifts, like very thoughtful things, but his love language was gift giving. My love language is touch and and quality time, so I appreciated his gifts. They make me feel great, Of course, but at the same time oops, sorry, so good, so good.
Speaker 1:How do I?
Speaker 2:fix that.
Speaker 1:So it's up, it's up. It felt to touch.
Speaker 2:So what the heck was I saying?
Speaker 1:Gift giving, oh gift giving. Thank you, jesus Christ, my friend, I'm listening to you. I got two years.
Speaker 2:Okay, good, so you know I appreciated all of that, but that was in my love language. So my like, my cup was still not filled in that relationship and he then started asking me for a reciprocation and I was just like, bro, are you doing this out of your pure generosity, or are you fucking doing this because you expect me to all of a sudden write your love letters? I'm sorry, I'm just not. Like I've never written a love letter. I wrote like notes and stuff, but like or like acts of service and it was a long distance kind of relationship. I'm like shit, I, you know, provides. Like I'm such a considerate person, like I will give you my entire world if you're next to me.
Speaker 2:I've never been with someone along this sense. I mean I have with my current ex. He used to deploy, but, like you know, for him he was happy with a care package I would give him freaking Jameson in a bottle of like ginger ale, you know and closed it off and he was happy, you know. But with the current guy he was just like looking for a reciprocation. I'm like, bro, stop doing things that you want in return. Like I hate that shit, you know. And then, like he was like oh, you know, I sent him um. He was like a planned guy, so I sent him this plant. It's like a palm tree that has um I don't remember the name of it Um, in Polish we say like an elephant foot foot, and it had like curls.
Speaker 1:Like how would you say it in Polish?
Speaker 2:Um uh, jesus Christ, stop, stop, stop, Okay, stop, sonya yeah.
Speaker 1:Beautiful.
Speaker 2:I was like like curly leaves. So I meant to say by sending it to him that, hey, like every time you water that plant, look at me because I have curly hair. You know, it was like very thoughtful in my head.
Speaker 1:It was great Right.
Speaker 2:To me it's like super cheesy, but like I knew he liked it, so I provided him with what he's love language was, of course, but it wasn't enough. It was just always fucking something People just need to stop expecting. I think it's it's hard because when you commit to someone, you kind of like want something back right, like you want to be loved, whatever it is. You want to be respected, obviously, um.
Speaker 1:I still don't know my love language.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, I think I have it all to be honest. Maybe that's why I'm complicated. I feel like everybody has a little bit of everything, of course, but primarily like if I had to tell you um, you know what is it that I absolutely need for me to be happy in a relationship is definitely a quality time. Um, like this conversation, right, like I, I like, literally like, in each at each other having, we can have literally the most stupid conversation or we can have the greatest we are, don't you worry.
Speaker 2:But you know, just just spending time with no phone, phones are such destruction Like social media, like we discussed before, it ruins so many relationships, and I mean it ruined mine obviously.
Speaker 1:Um, but that just comes with like but how good did it feel Like I've never been to this point in a relationship where I was just like, um, actually I have, but like just not to the full words, like we're posting photos of ourselves like on social media, it's. I feel like that's such a sweet little thing.
Speaker 2:I love it Right. It has to be like it feels so good, especially for someone who is so active on social media, like my first thing is like oh my God, I can't wait to show my men, you know, to the world Like I'm proud to have him, you know, and I I've been in situations where it's just like, yeah, chill bro.
Speaker 2:I was just like, okay, um, yeah, so weird. So my ex, he used to post me a lot and then he like stopped posting me. So like when you give someone a treatment and then you take it away, they're going to question it, obviously Right. And now women get in their head and like what's wrong with me? Like, am I chubby? Am I this? Does he not love me? Da, da, da, da, da da da. So that little thing was making me super happy.
Speaker 1:But it's the little things too.
Speaker 2:Like they actually said, take a picture, post it. Like it's not that hard. Oh no, I have chubby cheeks.
Speaker 2:Are you fucking kidding me? It's really that's like obviously everybody's insecure about something Like I'm not a perfect person. I have my own insecurities, but if I know that my men wants a picture with me, whether I look shit like shit on this picture or not, go ahead and post me because it's going to make you happy and it's not the end of the world. But that also comes with the fact that I'm, even though I have insecurities, I am also a very secure person. It sounds fucking stupid, but like what I'm saying is like one me someone posting a picture of my right you know side of my face. Like I don't. I hate my right side side of my face, I'm glad you know it though, yeah.
Speaker 2:If you posted, I'm going to be pissed for a second, but then I'm going to get over it because it's not the end of the world, right, it made him happy, that's all that matters. Like, at the end of the day, I'm not trying to impress the whole world, I'm trying to press my men, right? So, yeah, a little, taking a little picture Like that's cute, that's my girl, you know, like it's like validating a little bit too.
Speaker 1:Well, they said that basically one of the big determining factors if a relationship will last or not is if both couples can enjoy like the little little things, like if you can't, like if you and I and like looking back at past relationships I'm like, yeah, I'm such an idiot. Like I really am a dickhead when it comes down to it, because I like and I hate myself for it. I really do Like at those moments where, like they were just cherishing a little moment, like sharing a song with me and I would just shit it on it.
Speaker 1:I was like fuck that, this is stupid. I'm out of here, like it's just, that's so bad. Yeah, I was just like, and that's why I'm so grateful for my ex, because they've really turned me into a better man, that's good. Like, at the end of the day, that like the women that I truly love, like now they're laughing yes, married and they have kids. As far as, but having that type of like, seeing them do that and like they deserve, I wish them the best.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I hope like they keep like whoever they're with, like they keep them happy because, they. They wanted that so much and I wish I could have given them.
Speaker 2:But I knew from that that I was just like Ruining my own relationships because I can't cherish those little things with that person it really comes down to a lot of things and I'll tell you, we are, we get caught up into like daily life and just going through the motions and we really as A society, we stopped being present. We're either in the future or in the past. I don't know if you notice that, but I think just Finding yourself, like sitting here, and being like, oh my god, I love this pink color, you know, just observing the room Makes you grounded, this pink to you. Okay, well, this is pink.
Speaker 1:No, maybe not. I would say it's purple. You, you guys tell us in the comments.
Speaker 2:I mean it might be like a yeah, well, the wall purple but the light when you look down is kind of pink. Anyway, it's a perspective, but just Grounding yourself more and maybe just like being grateful what I've done. When I caught myself being a little bit less humble than normal because I do come from a very humble, humbling environment, you know, I would write down three things that I'm grateful for and let's say, I have the most shitty day ever. Nothing is fucking going my way. Finding those three things that are you grateful for is impossible. Like you'll sit there for ten minutes like fuck this shit. Like I hate everybody, I hate how I look. You know it's so many, the list of what you hate is so long, but then what you love and and what you're ready for is so tiny. So it does comes out to, comes down to Basic things like I'm grateful that I have roof over my head, I'm grateful that, yeah, my family is not here and it sucks most of the time.
Speaker 2:But I have my family, like my friends are there, they love me, like I don't need to be loved by a man.
Speaker 2:You know, that was my thing in the past. Now, like I don't need that, like I'm loved by people that have been there for me forever and that's what matters. So what I'm trying to say is, when you don't, when you cut yourself, not appreciating little things, start just writing down three things daily. What are you grateful for, even if you can't find it? Just go down, go, go. Go back to like the basics right, like, oh shit, I'm grateful that I don't let I'm healthy, like I can get up, like I'm grateful that I woke up, like so many people didn't wake up, and that will make you appreciate small things, for sure, and it will help you in the future.
Speaker 1:And I appreciate this, this conversation, it's so fire. Yeah, I appreciate you. Yeah, we fucked up the intro.
Speaker 2:Don't worry, you'll, you'll, you'll learn you want to just say hello? Yeah, sure, look at that camera.
Speaker 1:Tell him.
Speaker 2:Hey guys, I am Paulina. I am from Poland. I moved to America nine years ago Crazy girl, you know, with big dreams. I've watched enough American movies when I was little with my dad and I've always wanted to come to America, specifically to New York, and Made it. I freaking wanted my American dream to come true and it started rough. It was like American horror a little bit for me.
Speaker 1:I think that's every Story start, and that's the good way, because you know what. That's how a movie works, shit.
Speaker 2:And you know, I came here as an au pair. I was living nanny with a, an amazing family. I lived my life here, live it up, for sure, to the fullest, and then I went on my own. I, after two years of being in a pair, I went back home and, kind of like, wanted to go to university. I got into all the universities I applied to, however, I miss Long Island. So I applied for student visa. They gave it to me right away.
Speaker 2:I came back to the States a little did I know that when you're not a resident you have to pay double tuition. Oh and colleges? So that sucked. So I like didn't go to, you know, colleges that I wanted to attend and also I didn't have any financial help from my parents. So I got into hospitality industry, which I'm really good at because that's where I come from, we work. I come from a very like touristy mountain town, so I turn into a bartender waitress, you know. Then I went into aviation. Then, you know, I like I've tried it all, I think, because I'm a big believer that any opportunity that comes around you were supposed to say yes to, you know, and just just try it, because you might regret not trying it. So might as well just give it a shot. But yeah, um, you know I'm a person of a Lot of different talents, but I haven't figured out what is that one talent that I really want to master yet.
Speaker 1:I think you're a master of all that's.
Speaker 2:I try Jesus, thank you. I just feel like I try, it gets overwhelming.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but one of the things that I love, love, love about you, like in this, is like a Standout trait, and it might be vanity on top of it, but more so, just like I love your style Okay, yeah, like the wear that you. Every single time I see you in a photo, I see you anywhere, I see you just styled out and not in like.
Speaker 2:I think that's Polish thing, honestly, yeah like some swaggy polies. Yeah, I mean, I think it's just like it's a good thing and a bad thing, like you wouldn't leave home without Looking decent like here.
Speaker 1:You would think so, but there's some people no here in America.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you were sweatpants. I wear sweatpants. I'm guilty hours sweatpants, no makeup, go to the store. But why wouldn't I? Why can I just be normal? Why can I be me natural, right?
Speaker 1:Sweatpants is still a lot of people, first of all, and then secondly, though it's just like sweatpants. I feel like there is a style to them that you can't you like. There's not like. You can play the game this isn't dad bod's wearing sweatpants will grease and all that shit. It's so let me say pjama pants like.
Speaker 2:I've seen I remember going to college here and I like walked out, walked into the classroom, whatever, and I saw a bunch of people in pjama pants. I was like, is this a fucking joke? Like I was like, are we like in? Where are we like get it together, you know, because that's where I come from, where, like, you're always supposed to be doled up and look nice and like at least mascara on. You know, like yeah, which is kind of like shitty, to be honest, like there's always a pressure about the way you look and I feel like Latin countries, very like.
Speaker 2:Countries are very similar and culture in general. You have to look the part you know you can't never like see, let let people see you like sick or something so sickening, honestly. So actually like that part about America that you can just be yourself. You know you can just go and then bum it and like no one's gonna say anything, you know. But I appreciate the compliment on the style. I still tried to, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I will say this, like after I dated this girl from Cali like she had. I think it's more of a New York thing, because, like we don't care, that's our style, like where it's just like it's just like no, this bummy. Look, that's my style.
Speaker 2:That's rocking it.
Speaker 1:That's it, like versus, like what she told me in California. It's just like a lot of people judge you on like what you wear and like you have to like be conscious of that. I'm just like, yeah, we don't care.
Speaker 2:No, like she was. They'll say stuff about your look here, but they really like to take some two seconds to comment and then they move on like it's like nothing really happened.
Speaker 1:And then, like you just thumb, suck my dick and just like keep it moving. Yeah, seriously.
Speaker 2:I mean, I will tell you, america definitely has taught me not to give a fuck about.
Speaker 1:I feel like that is America. Yeah, we don't give a fuck. No, it's great.
Speaker 2:It's like oh, you don't like me, okay like going, you know, suck it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. Why wouldn't you like me? I'm you know it's gonna sound so weird, but like I really am a genuine person talk. Something's wrong with you. To be honest, like you know, I don't harm people. I I bring a lot of positivity and, and you know, smile into the room. And if you don't like me, something is wrong with you and I wish you the best, honestly, like I hope you find help because too bad, because the best just walked away To everyone, because it always is true.
Speaker 1:It's like, it's like yeah you, you can't be the best out of, like you know, and I think it's such a trap where you're just trying to be like I'm gonna be the best at whatever, and it's just like Be the best you that's it Like you, can't you?
Speaker 2:yeah, because at the end of the day, we're in a competition with ourselves. That's it. And people always I always say this to everyone, even to people that I mentor I People are going to talk shit. They're always gonna be talking about you, so you might as well make them talk a lot of shit, because they're jealous of what you're doing. So don't let them stop you from greatness.
Speaker 1:And also don't don't let yourself Stop yourself from greatness because I would tell you, drop that mic right now, but that's expensive.
Speaker 2:No seriously, I mean this is such an out of comfort Moment for me. I mean, even before we started recording, I was stressed out. I was like shaking here, you know cult partially, but also just like stressed out because I've never been in that setting. You know, I talk a lot in front of a camera. You, you see me all the time. But just being that setting and knowing that I'm gonna be on a different channel and different people are gonna See me and what I think about my crazy.
Speaker 2:Manifest that shit we're gonna blow up. Yeah, the only way.
Speaker 2:The only way come be a part two, we can have a whole conversation about that, like you need to definitely already own it and that's when universe gives it to you. But I do believe, you know, just getting out of a comfort zone is the only way to grow. You know, and I'm think I want to thank you for this honestly, because there's just like it's reinspired me and and and gave me like this kick in my ass like hey, you can do so many more things, paulina, like go after it you know right, but I was stressed out was like holy shit, I'm gonna be on a camera.
Speaker 2:Like what the hell people gonna think about me? I don't care like I hope you guys enjoyed obviously. But if you don't, then there's all the podcasts you can go ahead and enjoy and I'm gonna, you know, be okay. Well, I can't wait for part two. Yeah, yeah, this is gonna be fun to edit, I'm gonna enjoy it. Let's go all right. Thank you so much, of course, bye, guys later.